


Torrid Tales of Adventure

by Ninjababe



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 06:00:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14098809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ninjababe/pseuds/Ninjababe
Summary: Jester is a little heated about her reading material. And, not in a good way.





	Torrid Tales of Adventure

**Author's Note:**

> This is all my brother’s fault. We were talking about Jester’s possible history and this hit me upside the head. “No, no, I’m not writing this!” “Of course your not! >:)” is how the conversation went.
> 
> Obviously… He was right.
> 
> The ending is thanks to Sparrow. I went to her to ‘whine’ about it, and she gave me the ending! Plus she’s the reason for the expansion of the glass section… :)
> 
> Rated for not too detailed sexual discussion…

“WRONG!” Jester shouted as she jumped out of her seat, waving around the paperback book in her right hand. “It’s like the writer never had sex!”

“Jester!” Caleb rasped from the other side of the table.

“It’s awful, Caleb!” Jester moaned. “Dwarves can’t bend like that!”

Beauregard, Fjord, and Mollymauk just blinked a few times at the ranting Tiefling.

Jester continued to glare at the copy of ‘Torrid Tales of Adventure’ in her hand. “I can understand a few mistakes. But, after the Drow scene, I was done. This is ill-researched trash!”

“It is porn,” Beau pointed out.

“Can we discuss this quietly?” Caleb hissed, staring out at the packed tavern behind Jester. A tavern that, almost to the patron, was now staring at Jester.

“I’m not looking for a literary masterpiece, just at least some realism!”

Molly looked confused. “Realism? From porn?”

“Everyone knows that Dryads and candle wax don’t mix, right?” Jester forlornly asked.

“I didn’t,” Beau replied, still in shock, but starting to look intrigued.

“Really?!” Jester turned to the tavern. “People! Dryads don’t like candle wax! Mostly because the heat might start a fire. And Dryads hate that!”

“Perhaps you should put the book away, take some deep breaths, and drink your milk?” Fjord asked plaintively.

Taking a deep breath, Jester sat down. However, when she looked down at the book still in her hand, she jumped back up. “Let’s not get started on glass toys! Glass?! Glass!!! With a Half-Orc? They’d be pulling out glass shards for weeks!

"I know most people can’t afford the silver and gold toys my mother has, but at least a nicely sanded and varnished wood! Glass! GLASS!”

With that, Jester threw the book across the room and almost hit the barkeep in the head.

“Oh, sorry!” she said with a sweet smile before turning back to her group and sat down with a sigh. “Anyway, don’t read ‘Torrid Tales of Adventure’. It’s too unrealistic.”

“How do you know all this?!” Fjord exclaimed. “Wait… I don’t want to know.”

Molly raised a hand. “I do!”

Jester sweet smile widened as she happily replied, “My mother believes in a thorough, well rounded education.”

At that moment, Nott appeared next to Caleb. “Well, I don’t know why the whole tavern was so distracted, but I have lots of new buttons. Here’s some more book money.” Turning to the rest of the table, she asked, “So, what’s going on?”

Jester took a deep breath. “It’s awful, Nott!”

Caleb groaned and slid under the table.


End file.
